Do I REALLY Need Therapy?
As a therapist, I often get asked “At what point should I go into therapy?” “When should I call the doctor?” “Should I talk to someone???” Unfortunately, that is not a question that I can answer. Therapy is such an individual process, and everyone is at a different stage of motivation to change. Likewise, there is no recipe to finding a therapist or a timeline related to the length of therapy. Although I don’t think everyone needs therapy, I do believe that therapy can benefit everyone in one way or another. In simpler terms, anyone who just wants to work on themselves, gain insight, set goals, or make positive changes in their life and daily relationships is a great candidate for therapy.
Needless to say, there are some symptoms, patterns and themes that make their way into the therapy room more often than not. These things are common, relatable human experiences that typically drive people to seek support from a therapist. Sometimes life seems too hard to cope with on our own, and that’s okay- that’s why we are here! I could write out a long list of specific reasons why people have stepped into my office, because everyone has different goals, struggles, and personalities. Overall, without speaking for all therapists, there are several common issues that lead people to make the first initial call. And once you’re in therapy, I guarantee things will come up that you didn’t even know existed inside your brain! Like where did that come from???? Darn it, now I have to work on that, huh??? Let’s just add it to the list! YUP. That’s the powerful thing about therapy- you’re always learning new things about yourself and the ways you process the world around you.
Furthermore, let me share some of the most common symptoms and struggles that land people in the therapy couch.
Feeling “Stuck”- Many clients come into therapy reporting feelings of stagnation. Repeating the same patterns over and over again, with uncertainty as to why can lead to frustration, shame, and anxiety. To break these patterns, it can be helpful to have an objective listener offer insight and supportive reflection.
Anxiety that feels out of control- The number one symptom that is brought up in therapy is, you guessed it, anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of the human experience, and how anxious we feel ranges upon a variety of factors. When it’s maintainable, anxiety can actually be productive. It sets off an alarm in our brains saying something is wrong. The problem is that for so many of us, that alarm system is faulty. The smoke detector goes off even when there is no smoke. This is the point in which clients typically would search for mental health providers and ask for the most support. Anxiety is exhausting, and really just doesn’t want to cooperate. A helpful friend, turned into an unfriendly enemy. Fun.
Depression that interferes with daily functioning- Depression is the second most common symptom that I see in therapy, and often goes hand in hand with anxiety. Sadness is an important emotion, and of course, will be felt during the difficult times in our lives. Depression is often bigger, and feels more like a state of being than it does an emotion. When depression is accompanied by low self esteem, lack of motivation, chronic feelings of despair, irritability, feelings of hopelessness, and/or suicidal thoughts, this usually indicates the depression is more serious and therapy may be a helpful support.
Inability to cope with or regulate emotions- Irritability, lashing out in anger, shutting down, impulsive or compulsive behaviors, and avoidance are all signs of lack of emotional regulation. Although we can’t necessarily control our emotions, we can prevent them from controlling us. This is exactly what emotional regulation is. It also goes hand in hand with coping. Those who lack emotional regulation skills often lack coping skills as well, and vice versa. Thus, clients sometimes come into therapy and simply want to just learn how to cope better, and this can help them feel more in control of their emotions overtime.
Unprocessed trauma- I would argue and say that 9 times out of 10, the issues that clients bring into sessions are a result of some kind of trauma. This does not mean that everyone has PTSD or a trauma diagnosis, however, it means that humanity fails. Every single one of us has been hurt by others, while also hurting someone else. I mean, is it not traumatic when we have been betrayed by a good friend or rejected by a mentor? In therapy, we use a trauma domain to assess symptoms of trauma. Trauma is subjective, meaning, what is traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for someone else. Nonetheless, living with unprocessed, painful, buried feelings can wreak havoc on relationships, work life, and personal life. This is why processing pain and cleaning out wounds is so important. In the physical sense- If you cut your leg open, you would likely need stitches. If you just leave it open, it will get infected, and become more hurtful overtime. Trauma wounds act very similarly, and do need to be gently, carefully attended to.
Chronic relational distress- If it fails like your relationships are failing, you can’t get along with your partner, or you have difficulty trusting others, therapy can help. In fact, I have not yet met a client who reported complete confidence about every relationship in their lives. This is because we are relational beings, and on varying levels, we crave human connection. It can feel disappointing and frustrating when our relationships don’t seem to grow, and feel lonely when there’s a lack of relationship overall. Therapy can help uncover the reasons behind this and provide skills to work through the intrapersonal, as well as interpersonal distress.
Recent loss or death of a loved one- Losing a loved one can be labeled as one of the hardest things a human can ever experience. Grief is also a common reason to land someone in therapy, and also one of the most painful things to talk about in therapy. There is also a type of grief that’s unrelated to the physical death of a person, but more of a loss. A loss of a job; a hard breakup; the end of a fun season of life. This type of grief is different in nature, less intense, and usually the pain is more temporary. Nonetheless, this kind of pain is still worth validating, and it commonly makes its way into the therapy room.
Struggling with adjustments or life transitions- Changing careers, moving to a different town/house, starting/ending college, having a baby, getting married, getting divorced, a sick parent, and beginning a new job are all huge adjustments. I think it’s common to overlook the amount of stress these transitions put on our bodies- both physical and emotionally. It can feel frustrating, overwhelming, and lonely to experience these things. When we face difficult seasons, we can also lose sight of our identity and coping skills. Thus, so much of what I see in my clinical work is related to some type of adjustment.
Simply just wanting someone to talk to- I can not stress this enough: You do not have to go into therapy with specific goals. In fact, you don’t even need to know what you are hoping to get out of therapy or what you’re looking to change. Sometimes those goals are discovered in therapy together, and it’s totally okay to say “Hey I think I need therapy but I don’t really know why!” Honestly, sometimes these clients end up being the best candidates for therapy because they’re flexible, curious, and aren’t hindered by any expectations. Overall, there is no shame in seeking mental health treatment. Life is hard. Feelings are messy. That’s why we are here!
